Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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