i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
