no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
