rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
