were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
