What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
