I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
