If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
