Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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