Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
