are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
