you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
