I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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