your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
