I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my liver is dry heaving
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
