Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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