I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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