i think my mom watched the whole time
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
