yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
