Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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