She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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