chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
