My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
