Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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