I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
