ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
