Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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