the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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