I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
