I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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