I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
