somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
