I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
