I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
