drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
