Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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