You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
