Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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