It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
