All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize