as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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