Sry I called you an 8
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
