I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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