East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
