Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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