theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
