It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
