just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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