The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
