the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
