I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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