We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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