I've blown a few things in my day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
