I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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