Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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