I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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