I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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