i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
