Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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