I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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