im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.