that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize