thus making me awesome and them whores
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
