u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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