Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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