booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
