we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize