Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
