he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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